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The dangers of second thoughts

No-one reads my blog. Apart from you. You are alone in the world: no-one else does.

Apart from my mother.

But basically it's just you.

And you probably came here because I wrote a comment on a blog that you actually care about. Possibly a really great blog like the unashamedly brilliant twentytwowords.com.

Or maybe you came from another great blog. Like Unfurling Flower. And if that is the case, I can only say sorry. I didn't mean it to come out that way. Honestly, I didn't.

Emily posted a request for questions. And so I posted one. It was meant to be a "what is it that keeps single christian girls single?" kinda question.

Only to ask it straight would be boring - it needed to be cheeky. So I made it cheeky. And then it was mutilated by a second thought and should have been killed by a third.

The comment read:

This may be missing the point of the invitation, but according to the evidence presented on your blog/blogger profile, you are serious in your pursuit of godliness, creative, intelligent, articulate and stunningly good looking... how come you're still single?

The second thought was: that's kind of presumptuous - it's not clear from Emily's self-description that she is single, so I changed it:

This may be missing the point of the invitation, but according to the evidence presented on your blog/blogger profile, you are serious in your pursuit of godliness, creative, intelligent, articulate and stunningly good looking... are you single?

The vital (but missing) third thought was: you can't post that - it completely changes the meaning!

I'm glad it made anna chuckle, but Harmony is right. That "Geoff Youngs" is neither worth having, nor is his question worth dignifying with an answer.

Emily (Unfurling Flower) said

Sep 24, 2008 @ 01:18 PM

Laugh out loud :)! Geoff, don’t worry about it at all - I accept your apology of course, but your comment really did make me chuckle as well. I knew the place it was coming from and appreciated the cheeky humour in it. No hard feelings whatsoever! Thanks for the clarification though - I am about to write answers to the questions asked, and can better answer yours now!

Geoff said

Sep 24, 2008 @ 06:16 PM

Thanks Emily. Glad that’s cleared up :-)

Ruth said

Sep 25, 2008 @ 11:32 AM

i had a little chuckle as well at the comment, but thought i may as well add one of my thoughts in answer to your (intended) question. One big reason why many christian girls are still single is that there are many christian boys who are chicken to take the lead and not willing to risk a rejection. The second reason is that young christians are stuck in a postponed adolescence where they hang at each others houses and watch dvds, maybe play a few silly games, and don’t get on with acting their age, growing up and finding themselves a spouse. And to top it off, they are scared of the mocking they’ll get from non christians if they get married young. Of course of course there are some who feel strongly it is the Lord’s will to be single - that’s awesome. And there are some who do get on with life and realise that responsibility is a good thing. I imagine in Emily’s case there are plenty of boys who have entertained the thought of pursuing her, but chicken out thinking she’s out of their league. I’m very grateful that a certain boy a few years ago sucked up courage enough to explain he liked me and thought we should get to know each other better and consider marriage. He was 23 I was 19. It needs prayer, then it just takes some guts. Guts is something I frequently pray for for many christian boys I know.

Carla said

Sep 25, 2008 @ 05:55 PM

Haha I got here through Emily’s blog. I noticed you apologized after. I’m not sure if your open to random people commenting on your blog (some bloggers are) so you can delete this if you want. Your comment made me laugh by the way!

I also will add some of my thoughts on your question….. The right guys seem always chicken. I once asked my mom why my brother didn’t show more interest in a girl or just girls in general earlier, she said it was because he was too shy! But now he is married to a girl he went to school with since grade 7….now Im floating off subject…. Non christian girls go after guys but the right minded Christian girls wait for guy to come to them. Which is tricky to me and annoys me sometimes because the guys I would take interest in are always too shy to show the least bit of emotion. So i think fear of rejection from guys is why many are single for so long. Plus many would rather not have to go through kissing a lot of frogs before getting to “prince charming” and therefore will ignore some MAYBE potential opportunities. Oh boy, I don’t I am making sense? Its all hard to explain I think…..

Geoff said

Sep 25, 2008 @ 06:25 PM

Ruth - I fear there’s a lot of truth in what you say. We need to grow up and grow backbones. And I’ve pretty much done all that you describe, including writing girls off as being out of my league. Which certainly seemed fair enough at the time: she was. Still is, for that matter.

Carla - I will resist the temptation to be bitingly and unwholesomely sarcastic about the presence of a comments form and absence of moderation and rather say: you are most welcome to comment. And thank you for asking.

You both raise interesting issues - I think it’s probably worth discussing in a post of it’s own…

Anna said

Sep 26, 2008 @ 01:31 AM

I have to admit, it does make more sense the way you explain it! The blogosphere can be so interesting sometimes, that’s for sure.

Geoff said

Sep 26, 2008 @ 03:07 PM

Anna - It is… not least because the manner in which we communicate is shrouded in digital mystery. Apart from inferences drawn from emoticons and errors, it is extremely hard to know whether the post or comment you are reading was premeditated or spontaneous. All the clues we rely on are gone - no reading of tonal inflections, body language or facial expression. We have lost the trappings of the carefully choreographed dance of conversation and are left with the bare 10%.

Yet we still expect to understand and ‘connect’ - and inevitably rely too much on our own emotional state and imagination in order to mentally reconstruct the person at the other end of the tubes. Which is bad enough, but the alternative - not properly considering it’s actually a person that we’re communicating with - is substantially worse, as the internet bears daily witness.

Ruth said

Sep 26, 2008 @ 05:56 PM

I’m tempted to encourage you to bite the bullet goeff! How do you KNOW she is? I mean, is she a duchess or something? Maybe you just never found out….

Geoff said

Sep 26, 2008 @ 06:17 PM

Ruth - It’s just history now… she’s married. As Lewis observes through the mouth of Aslan, in the voyage of the Dawntreader, we are never allowed to know what might have been.

jonathan said

Oct 14, 2008 @ 05:38 PM

Bah, I asked a really pretty and intelligent girl I knew a little if she’d like to go for a drink once. She asked if I’d accepted Jesus into my heart. I replied that I hadn’t, but had nothing against religion at all. We didn’t go for the drink. Hmph.